It's that bloody retail season again, and if you're like me, you most likely have had these problems for years:
Too lazy to go Christmas shopping for gifts that nobody cares about.
Too poor to do the above.
Leave it until too late and then feel embarrassed about showing up with "75% off special BUY IT NOW" gifts accompanied by 2-dollar-shop cards.
Break your fingers carrying those gift bags.
Dread that other people's gifts might be better than yours.
Don't know what those bastards / biatches really want because they are already too fat and have everything.
Spend it all on yourself and are now broke.
Whinge about it to friends/colleagues, or on Internet forums.
Read or hear about way too many people with those same problems.
Well, fear no more, I have a solution for you. For only $49.95, you can buy my "Cultural Learnings of Christmas For Make Benefit Glorious Ego of Myself" handbook which will solve all of your beef with this so-called holiday!
Or, you can try this, which is what I'm doing this year: http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com
For Australians: http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com.au The idea is that you buy from a range of their gifts for poor people around the world, ranging from books for kids, goats for farmers, to bigger ones like an entire school for a village, then Oxfam will send your friends/family members/etc. a card on behalf of you and the true recipients, with your custom message. The Glorious Benefits of this are:
You're really buying gifts for people who actually need and appreciate them, instead of those who give you diplomatic thanks then toss it in the bin afterwards.
It makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
It gets you good karma.
It gives you enough credibility to give a lecture on the true nature of the Force... I mean the true spirit of Christmas (something about stealing a holiday from the pagans way back, plus a few other feel-good stuff that I forgot).
It takes minutes to do, instead of hours and hours at shopping centres, where you might get run over by morbidly obese bogans.
Oxfam can even send an electronic card to the recipient (not the poor one, the rich fat one) if you choose that option, so that you can save some poor trees.
It's tax deductible.
So, guys, gals and hermaphrodites, Be A Xia this Christmas and help those in need!
<3 Linh, on behalf of the Wuxiapedia crew